just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
