The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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