Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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