Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
