So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize