Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
