If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
