we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
