Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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