he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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