the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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