I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
