He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
