My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
