I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
