We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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