I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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