just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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