he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You need Xanax blowdarts
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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