Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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