I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
