lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
