Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You pole danced in your parka.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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