just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
