Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
