Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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