So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
