My liver just broke up with me...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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