i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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