That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
