3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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