gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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