how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
