Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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