All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
