Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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