I look better un-naked...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
