i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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