You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
