Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
nutella sex= disaster
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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