he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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