is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
