I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
