What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
