she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
