Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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