I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
