You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
