So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
