I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
