i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
