In America we eat man semen.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
