he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
