why didn't you poke me back
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
