Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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