we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
