bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
