Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
