I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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