you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
