I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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