I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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