My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
