i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
