Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
