I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
