Quick, to the slutcave!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Boobs speak an international language.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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