conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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