my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
