I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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