Jerry, you need to find god
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
