she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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