I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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