After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
