i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
