I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
