OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
