i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
