If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
