just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
